魔鬼也曾经是天使

很久没有用华文来写部落格了，
今天本小姐心血来潮想用华文，
有任何语法问题请见谅哦。


最近，
跟一位朋友聊起他的感情事。
他的年纪比我小，
听了他的故事后，
我觉得他没有必要开始这段感情。


在当下我就很直接地告诉他我的建议，
当然我知道当下他是没有听进去的。
当你爱一个人爱到几乎每分每秒你都会想着他的时候，
你是不可能会听取别人给你的意见，
尤其是叫你放弃他。


这个我能够理解，
因为我当初也是这样，
我完全能够了解他的感受。


人们总是问我为什么会分手，
当然你我都有问题，
我实在不能够忍受继续跟你在一起，
所以我选择分手。


全都是因为你，感激不尽。
谢谢你的无理取闹，
谢谢你那爱比较的性格，
谢谢你总是小题大做。


我想说一年过去了，
何必要在提起你这不必要的人，
我已经彻底把你忘记，不想记起我们之间所有的回忆。
因为真的很痛。


他问我:" 你当初是怎么忘了他?"
我回答他:" 恨他。"
当然他吓到了。


然后我就跟他解释为什么，
越解释就越生气。
他就说我:"你的防备心很强。"
这句话突然点醒了我。


我也察觉到这点，
经过上一次的感情，我开始学会如何去保护自己。
开始对身边的情侣感到反感，
恨不得把每对在我面前经过的情侣都拆散。
因为我觉得爱情变得很恶心。


我知道这听起来有点严重，
其实我自己知道。
我会这样是因为我不想让自己在受到任何伤害，
我开始对身边的男生保持距离，
我很讨厌男生。


就连魔鬼也曾经是个天使。
我会有这样的举动都是因为我害怕，
害怕自己再次爱上一个人，
害怕自己再像以前一样，
害怕遇到很像他的人。


俗话说:"时间是最好的良药。"
当然过了一年，对男生那种反感的感觉已经渐渐消失了。
因为我知道，不是每个男生都是像他一样，
我不能因为他而认定全世界的男人都是一样。


就在最近，我发现我自己好像开始对某个人产生了好感。
我不知道为什么，我也不知道是从什么开始的。
那种感觉再次出现在我的生命里。
但是，我很害怕。


我很害怕那是个错觉，
害怕我如果真的对那个人有感觉我又会变得像之前一样。
我该怎么办?


我也希望那不是真的，
因为我真的承受不起那个伤痛，
我很怕。那是我内心的一个恐惧，
我克服不了。


有什么办法能让我克服这个恐惧?
我怕我在这样下去，迟早会出大问题，
因为我自己过不了自己那一关。


朋友们，
有什么看法吗?
觉得是为我好的话就请帮帮我吧。
你们的帮忙我会很感激，
我不想因为之前的感情照成我不敢接受新的感情，
然后孤独到老。


唉，
感情这种事就是这么复杂。
希望上帝能够给我一个适合我的人，
因为只有祂知道我最适合一个怎样的人。


好啦，今天就先写到这里啦。
有时间会再update大家的，
不要担心我 :)

Blessed 19th :)

First of all, helloooooo to my fellow friends who read my blog! :) I'm so sorry that I didn't update my blog for so so long. College life has been busier than what I thought. Just a small little update from myself here to all of you, I'm currently in semester 3 and finals is coming in less than 3 weeks from now. Basically that's all I wanted to update here. Hahaha.

Nah, just kidding. BACK TO THE TOPIC! 

I'm here to share with you all how I spent my 19th birthday this year :) 

This is my 4th time for not celebrating my birthday with my family. I clearly remembered that the first time I did not celebrate my birthday was in year 2011, during MSSM Terengganu. 2nd time was in TEENz Camp 2013, and the 3rd time was last year during SUKMA :) 

Might have even more birthday to come that I couldn't celebrate it with my family. Sigh. But it's ok, I still have a bunch of fellow friends who love me a lot and also brothers and sisters in Christ with me when is on my birthday! :) 

Truly thank God for His wonderful blessings in my life. I might not be the best in everything but I'm glad that He still be at my side and support me in everything that I need in my life. This year's birthday celebration might be the best among all celebrations that I had before this because this year I had too many things to thank God :)

Firstly, I thank God for putting me into the situation that I'm currently facing now. Because without this situation, I wouldn't know how to be grateful for everything that I had in my life. I always take things for granted until I went into this situation. Though is very tough, really really tough. But I had learned so many things that God wanted to teach me. 

"To give is better than receive." 

This is what God want me to learn from it and I admit that I'm still learning. It is very tough, sometimes I even thinking of giving up. But I believe that through God's grace, I can do it! :)

The next thing that I wanted to thank God is because He put these awesome peoples in my life when I'm alone in KL. Really thank God for all these wonderful friends in my college. They are the ones who cheers me up and encourage e whenever I need help. Of course not only this 3 fellas in the picture only. I still have a few more :)

Ta da! My babies :) Thanks for the night! They willing to spend their precious time with me on my birthday to just accompany me to KLCC and just to do nothing but chilling beside the pool. They are truly very awesome! They are the ones whom I can be very sampat without thinking of my appearance. 

I only knew one of them this year and I can't believe that we become so close ever since the day we met! And for others, I knew them not even a year and yet we become so close and I don't know how. :D

Words can't describe how I love them all. Because they are just too awesome and I cannot find a word or sentence to describe! :)

This is what we looking at for the whole night! It was really awesome! Check out the videos that I've recorded on that day! :)

It was really pretty! I really enjoyed a lot that night. It's like everything was prepared for me ;) Nah, just kidding. Hahaha. 

Of course, not gonna forget my very own bestie who call me out for a date 2 days before my birthday. Knew her since 13, my table-mate for 5 years! :)

  

I don't know why but I only took 1 photo with her that day when we hang out. Hahaha. But never mind, the most important part is the time that we spent together that day :) It has been awhile since we hang out together like that day. Both of us has been so busy with our studies ever since we started college. I still remember that we used to promised that we must hang out at least once a month no matter how. 

But both of our schedule are so tight that we didn't fulfill our promise. I still thank God for the friendship that we built together since the day we met until now. Even though we're not seeing each other in everyday like it was before, but our relationship can still carry on until today. There's more to go my bestie! :)

Next, I wanted to thank my Homies for celebrating my birthday today (12/6/2015) even though my birthday has already passed. It was a total unexpected surprised!

I didn't know that the cake was for me until they mention my name in the birthday song :') I thought it was someone else standing in front of me because they're walking towards my direction. Thank you guys for the cake and also the blessings. It was totally unexpected! I love it :)

Last but not least, I want to thank the most important person in my life -- my mother 

If it was not her, I wouldn't be here today. I wanted to thank you for took care of my since the day I was born until today. Thank you for always being there for me whenever I feel discouraged. Thank you for all the good food that you cooked for me, you always learn to cook new dishes that I wanted to try. I'm sorry for the things that I've did in the past that makes you feel sad, I even being rude to you when I was on anger. I feel sorry about that. 

"Honor your father and your mother, that your days may be long in the land that the Lord your God is giving you." (Exodus 20:12)

At last, I just wanted to say: I love you mum. If it wasn't you, I wouldn't be who am I today :) You're one of the best gift that God has ever given to me. Thanks for everything mum! 


And so, we have come to the end of my story! :) Thanks for everyone once again who wished me on my 19th birthday, love you all! 


Cheers,
Caryn Sim